An entrepreneur’s Mother
I want to preface this post by saying that every mother is “doing it right” if they provide their child with two things: love and support. The other parenting decisions a mother makes are pretty small in the shadow of this.
I was speaking with a gentleman at a networking event about becoming the founder of a startup. He asked how he could inspire his daughters to become leaders too. I told him that I knew early on that I had the ability to take on any challenge because I saw my mother succeed.
My mother wasn’t an entrepreneur (that would be my dad, but I’ll save his post for Father’s Day), but she showed me that work-life balance as a female leader can be achieved. She taught me that the only thing standing between me and my aspirations is myself.
What you are about to read is not a post about flattering my mother on Mother’s Day, but true stories that reminded me how she shaped me and my sisters to be come the leaders we are today.
A failure in Economics
My first semester at college and I was already failing. I studied for a solid 10 hours, more than I had ever studied in high school, and still got a D- on my macro economics test. It seems silly in hindsight, but I truly felt I met a mountain I might not be able to climb.
I called my mother, in tears, explaining how I tried my best and how I wasn’t sure how this semester would go. Her response was not one of sympathy, but of frustration. She asked me two questions:
- Did other people pass the test? *Yes they did*
- Was I quitting?
Her last question was followed by a line I’ll never forget. “Samantha, if you’re quitting, tell me now. I won’t waste my money and pay for next semester.” Of course I wasn’t giving up. She responded, “we’ll then you have to figure it out.”
I remember my roommate at the time telling me my mom was “so mean” and her mother would “never say that”.
I took it a different way. My mom was right. If other people could succeed that meant the test or the teacher wasn’t the problem, it was me.
So I figured it out. I got tutoring, I taught myself how I had to study, and I eventually passed the class. I called my mother after every single test in college to tell her how it went. I wanted her to know her investment wasn’t being wasted.
You would put you kids in daycare?
While I am not a mother, the discussion of how I would parent has been a point of conversation from as early as I can remember. Not sure men ever have the same type of discussions, but talking about the number of kids you’ll have and your future “mother” dreams was always a lighthearted conversation… Until it isn’t.
I was a sophomore in college on the first day of an internship at the same financial institution my mother led. She suggested I work in the collections department that summer (which had its own inherent lessons). I was eating lunch with the four other female interns and the topic of “future plans” came up. The tone wasn’t career aspirations, but family goals.
When it came to be my turn, I said that I think I’d like to have four kids. To which they said, “well then you probably can’t work.” I was extremely confused. Of course I was going to work. Not only work, I planned on working my way up to a leadership position.
I won’t ever forget the one girl in the group saying, “We’ll then what are you going to do with your kids? Put them in daycare? That’s cruel and a bit selfish.” I think this was this first person who had ever told me I can’t have it all.
I responded, “I was a daycare kid. Does it look like I suffered?”
My mom worked her way up from being a teller at a credit union to the senior vice president of lending. Because my little sister is so young, I remember watching my mom struggle with teaching Rachel to self-soothe so she could sleep through the night or crying the first day she dropped her off at daycare.
It’s not easy to decide if you will stay at home or go to work. You wish this weight wasn’t always on the woman’s shoulders. I do know seeing my mothers success, experiencing the respect she was given when I visited her office or hearing stories about my mother’s leadership from her colleagues, inspired me in more ways than I can describe.
Your never going to be the best.
It’s strange the one-off conversations that stick with you. I remember my mom driving me home from track practice, listening as I explained concern over a new hurdler that showed enough promise to surpass me.
My mother said, “You will never be the fastest. You will never be the prettiest. You will never be the smartest. All you can do is give your best effort and not quit. If you try your best, you shouldn’t be disappointed with the result.”
I’ll be honest, this realization stung. You’re told as a child that you can achieve anything you put your mind to. It’s an interesting realization when you learn this isn’t necessarily true.
She explained the one way I would always fail is if I compare myself to others.
I left this lesson for last, because I think it’s one of the most important. You can either find excuses for why you didn’t get the job, the guy or the score you felt you deserved, or you can swallow that somethings just won’t go your way.
You can only measure the results of an event by how much effort you put into it, because there are too many elements that are out of your control. Did I lose the pitch competition because I did a crappy job? Maybe. But it’s just as likely that the panel had a background or expertise that made another pitch easier to understand.
Being hard on yourself for losing isn’t helpful. Blaming the people involved isn’t helpful. My mother taught me that you must figure out how you can win, reevaluating your preparation, effort and execution, to gain a better result the next time. If you thought you’d always win, you wouldn’t have the perseverance to try again when you inevitably lose.
A message on Mother’s Day
These are just a few of the lessons my mother taught me that shaped my path. When you look at the many responsibilities society says is a woman’s job, it’s hard to see how business owner fits in. We still have the be the best at cooking? We’re expected to stay home with the kids? We are still expected to have a model body and do the laundry?
My mom never reinforced these gender norms. Being in a relationship or having kids wasn’t the end-all-be-all of my female existence. I want to make it clear that she is not some raging feminist (she would say she isn’t a feminist at all). She is simply a woman that strived and then achieved what she deserved.
Hopefully, on this Mother’s Day, she can see how her lessons made it easy for me and my sisters to grab a seat at the table. She gave me the confidence to believe that I can do something as crazy as starting a business. For that, I will be forever grateful.
Love you, mom!
